Night Before Christmas

M E R R Y || E A R L Y || C H R I S T M A S

I'm getting this out of the way so I don't have to kill myself later. You still might see some other christmas-y stuff thoough....

This story is LONG but funny~ Hope you like it~~

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<sub>'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Kyriah soon would be there;
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of jumping eggs danced in their heads;

My EGG in its cradle, and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny EGG-deer....?
With a little red driver, so lively and speedy,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Kyri.

More rapid than eagles her coursers they came,
And she whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
"Now, Limmy! now, Kimmy! now, Gremel and Teek!
On, Zeo! on Jevan! on, Aishe and.....shit...what's his face.....

Nevermind.....

To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, SCREW IT go through!!!
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Kyriah too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little......what the eff is up there?!
As I grabbed up my shot gun, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Kyriah came with a bound.

She was dressed all in fur, from her head to her foot,
With a wild string of curses, and all covered in soot;
A bundle of toys she had flung on her back,
And she looked like a peddler just opening her pack.

Her eyes -- how they twinkled! her dimples non-existant...
Her cheeks were like roses, her nose runnily persistant...
Her quaint little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the piercing on her lip twinkled in the glow

The stump of a bong she held tight in her teeth,
And the smoke it encircled her head like a wreath;
She had a small face and not so little knockers,
That shook, when she sneezed, like TWO bowlfuls of... Oh, sorry Gesundheit...

She was slender and lean, a right cranky, slick elf,
And I pissed my pjs when I saw her, in spite of myself;
A flip of the bird and a twist of her head,
Soon gave me to know I had EVERYTHING to dread;

She spoke not a word, but went straight to her work,
And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,
And laying her finger aside of her nose,
And giving a scowl, up the chimney she rose;

She sprang to her sleigh, to her minions gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard her exclaim, ere she drove out of sight,

"Happy Christmas to all, and go eff yourselves right!!!"</sub>

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Sorry about the language XD we were having too much fun with this~~ <33

Original Story ©Clement Clarke Moore
Remix done by *Toxxic-Vixen + ~Megan-ness (rofl~♥ )
Kyriah and Jevan ©ME